Friday, July 22, 2011

Ancient History -- How I Stood Up To A Gang of Inbred Morons...

THIS POST at "Straight Forward..." made me think about something that happened ~15+ years ago....

But for the Grace of G*d, I could be in prison like the poor man the post is about...

You might find something useful here - at least it's a semi-interesting story...

I once wound up on the wrong side of some local thugs. It was a pretty "backward" sort of area -- one of those semi-rural places where time seems to get a bit warped - in many ways it was 40+ years behind the times though also suffering the scourge of meth and other late-90's problems...

The inbreeds in question were three brothers ranging from ~35-45-ish, 2 of them were married, and all lived in the same house... Needless to say, their gene-pool was more than a little shallow... They were all known collectively as "The Smith Boys*" - and the biggest troublemaker in the bunch was the youngest/smallest one who was called "Little Will*" (*Not real names - no point inviting more trouble in case they ever meet someone who can both read AND use the 'net...)

Over the years they'd ganged up on so many people in the area that neither dared leave home without the other 2 - afraid of being caught-out alone and having karma come home to roost -- so they all worked together as well...

A man who previously had an altercation with them similar to mine, and pressed charges, was later found beaten nearly to death. He's been in a "head-injury institution" ever since -- he'll spend the rest of his "life" drooling on himself, being spoon-fed and wearing diapers.

Everyone in the area KNOWS who did it - there's no doubt whatsoever - but there's no indisputable evidence to tie them to the crime and the "victim" is unfortunately incapable of testifying... Ergo these morons are still running around loose...

 For the record, I didn't know ANY of this until it was too late for it to matter, really...

Also, just to help you "see" the story, I'm a pretty small guy all-in-all -- about 5'9/170... In my younger days I LOVED to fight, and sought out side-jobs at night/weekends as a bartender or bouncer in some pretty rough bars... While never really was a true "bad-@$$", I can truthfully say nobody's ever wanted to fight me twice (except one poor fool - but that's another story)...

As I got older and matured, I studied some conflict-avoidance stuff, body-language and etc - and learned to defuse situations and talk people down so the fights I used to enjoy never needed to happen. I was pretty good at it too -- this was the only time it didn't work -- but I digress...

In short, one of them attacked me without provocation one night on my side-job as a bartender. The woman who owned the bar had ordered them to leave and they'd refused - she went to her office to call police.

We'd been successful in turning this place around, from a bar where the cops were needed every night to the point that it had been MONTHS before this night since they'd needed to be called...  This was VERY good for business, and the owner rewarded me appropriately -- so I didn't want to blow my record!

I -- VERY meekly, hands in pockets, non-confrontational body-language etc. (as always) tried to "keep the peace" and convince them to go before police arrived. After they threatened me too, I turned to walk away and got "sucker-punched" by the "little one" (ain't it ALWAYS the "little one"? - but I digress)...

I saw the punch coming, and rolled with it - thus taking most of the impact out...  Even so, he'd rocked me pretty good -- this guy was obviously well-practiced at the "sucker-punch knockout", a fact which I was later to learn was much more true than I thought... But again I digress...

Having absorbed his punch, I turned around and looked the punk in the eye, smiled, and said

"See... NOW you done f***ed up!"

His two GIGANTIC brothers then stood up behind him - I took a step back and bumped into someone - and realized that literally every other man in the bar was standing behind ME...

I did what I could to defuse the situation -- and the inbreds decided that leaving would be smart though they continued to run their mouths as they headed for the door just as the cops arrived.  All three went out in handcuffs...

In hindsight I SHOULD have attacked, and let nature take its course -- as the result would have been these three getting a well-deserved and OH-SO-LONG-OVERDUE beating -- but I didn't know any of the "history" of these morons at the time...

After stewing for a bit, finding out who they were, and DETERMINED to have what revenge I could get -- I pressed charges against the one who hit me.  They - all 3 plus 2 "cousins" who weren't even present - filed "counter" charges claiming I assaulted *them* -- all 5 of them!

When the court-date arrived, I went pro-se, simply cross-examining each by asking him to stand and state his height and weight, and repeat his accusation against me. On "direct" with their Attorney, all five of their parroted story was laughable - I even noticed Hizzonner rolling his eyes...

My only witness was the Lady who owned the bar who recounted the events of the evening and stressed my non-violent nature and my long-demonstrated ability to defuse situations and "talk down" even the most incorrigible characters. I made sure we really PUSHED the point that since I'd gone to work for her the nightly fights had ended, and the police hadn't been called there in MONTHS!

She also told the story of seeing me trying to talk them down, pointed out /described my "tricks" of body-language and etc and how I'd taught her other staff to do the same sort of things...  I'd done a good job of "rehearsing" with her to be sure she'd get the points out that I needed to make -- though it was all probably unnecessary... Everyone (including Hizzonner and all the court-staff) knew the bar and how much better things had gotten -- they also knew my inbred-opponents -- at least by reputation... 

Prosecutor agreed to just let me "make a statement" in leiu of "testimony" -- I was sworn, but I just reiterated what THEY had said, pointed out the sum-total of these boys' height and weight, and the fact that their claim that I'd just randomly attacked all 19-feet-plus/780#-plus of THREE of them for no apparent reason was simply LUDICROUS. I didn't even bother telling my own version of events...

The Prosecutor elected not to cross-examine me, and noted for Hizzonner the "commissioner's" notes that I had obvious facial-injuries consistent with my "version of events" when I came in to swear out my warrant -- it was pretty clear what HE thought of their counter-charges...

Hizzonner found the "little one" guilty of aggravated assault and battery against me, charged all 5 with Perjury/false-swearing, etc -- he really nailed it to 'em... 

All got reasonably substantial fines, the "little guy" got 180 days, but since it was his first conviction (yes, really!) 90 suspended pending successful completion of probation...

He also asked for and got "weekend jail", which meant he spent almost 2 years of weekends in the County-lockup, and this extended HIS probation to 7+ years...

He also had to pay a considerable fine, plus compensate me for lost-wages, expenses and etc...

In sum, that "sucker-punch" cost the "little one" over $10k, 2 years of weekends in jail and 5 years of probation AFTER that... IIRC the rest of them paid $2500 each for perjury and the 2 brothers another $5k for "false swearing" on the police report and the "warrant" they swore out on me -- plus probation as well...

Hizzonner also told them all point-blank that he henceforth considered THEM to be responsible for my personal-safety -- if ANYTHING happened to me, he'd see them in prison no matter WHO did it.

He also ordered them to stay away from me, away from the bar and etc.

The entire Court-staff was BEAMING - I even heard the Bailiff mocking their lawyer, saying "it's a damn shame when your clients' victim is a better attorney than YOU..."

Within days people began coming to me telling how these guys were offering $5000 to anyone who would beat me badly enough to put me in the hospital, and $10k if it was "permanent."  The 3 started coming in the restaurant (attached) -- always sitting where they could look into the bar and make sure I saw them staring me down...

The police were called, came, and served them "notice of trespass" -- and the cops advised me to move away before *I* ended up in the "drool-cup palace" like their previous victim...  I refused to be intimidated - I wasn't going anywhere...

As an aside, word also spread QUICLY about how I'd "taken his best sucker-punch and turned around and smiled at him" -- some of the more abrasive types suddenly became REAL POLITE in their dealings with me at the bar...

ONE drunk who'd apparently NOT heard got a bit pushy with me one night -- one of the local rednecks said "Duude -- I know he don't look like much, but I SAW this man take Little-Joe Smith's best sucker punch -- he turned around and SMILED at them! You really don't want to f*** with this dude!"

Still, I KNEW the inbreds weren't done with me -- so I started (illegally - no way to get a permit in my state) carrying a pistol in my pocket...

A few weeks later I went to put trash in the dumpster out back and found myself cornered in the chain-link dumpster-enclosure by these three. There was NO WAY anyone would hear me - I was as good as dead.

For reasons I really can't explain, in this area white-trash folks like this just didn't carry guns. It was a pretty "throwback" area -- knives, sticks, fists, boots etc. but no pistols for some reason... When I pulled out my pistol, their eyes got big as dinner-plates -- apparently they'd never considered the possibility that they might get SHOT!

Again - in hindsight - I really SHOULD have shot all three of them right there. No way in hell ANY Jury in that county would have found me guilty -- these three were that well-known and feared by almost everyone, mostly due to the aforementioned "vegetable"...

As it was, I merely put "the fear of G*D into them at pistol-point, and told them point-blank basically what I just said above -- that if I *EVER* saw either of them near me again I'd kill them without a second thought, and that no jury in the county would consider it ANYTHING BUT self-defense.

I kept the same (side) job for about a year - always carrying - and never did see any of them again. I eventually moved out of the area when I met a woman who later became my wife...

As a funny aside, over 10 years later I was passing through and stopped at the wal-mart in the town. I turned the corner into an aisle in the automotive-section and nearly banged into the "little one."

It took a minute for him to recognize me -- but when he did he put his hands up and backpedaled, saying "I don't want no trouble, Man!!"

Heart beating a million MPH I managed to stare him straight in the eye for a minute to be sure my voice wouldn't crack before saying "then WALK..." -- he did...

I've thought on this situation many times -- and this case makes me know more than anything else how LUCKY I was, really -- though I'm really surprised they were as terrified by the pistol as they turned out to be...

I'm still convinced I'd have walked, but G*D knows I'm glad I didn't end up having to shoot them...

I still don't think I'd change anything if I could - even if I "had it to do over again"...

3 comments:

PISSED said...

Its amazing the things we dealt with when younger :). I was lucky that my size big boned at 5-11 made me more formidable as an opponent. I never got in a fight but was able to prevent any of the situations that I found myself in from escalating. Nowadays I walk away at the first sign of trouble or even at the hint of it. It just isn't worth it to me.
IF I'm out I look for the exits and always stay at the periphery of the establishment. I hate being paranoid BUT you just never know.

THanks for stopping by me blog :)

I added you to my reading list.

Cheers,
PISSED

Jewel said...

That was some story. It almost reminded me of the incident in Skidmore MO:

http://www.talkguests.com/mcelroy.htm

Every town has a McElroy and Smith Bros. In Yakima, Washington, where I lived as a teenager, our nemeses were the Couch Brothers, also feared and violent. You simply did not mess with them. I was 13 years old and playing with my little sister in her elementary school yard on the swings, when one of the Couch sisters came over to me and said she'd just broken up with her boyfriend and needed to hit someone, and since I was available, it might as well be me. I didn't argue with her, but she wailed on me in front of my six year old sister. I was a pretty bloody, black and blue mess, but I never pressed charges. I knew better.
Oh yes, and thank you for the lovely compliment at Jaded Haven!

Velociman said...

Pretty sure you are my new hero...