Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Counter-offer: Why don't you s*** my d***!

I stumbled over this story this morning and thought it likely that the sort of folks who read my scribblings might have some interesting things to say about it...

I'm of mixed feelings myself - while I certainly can understand her frustration, and I'm SURE we've all been in a position at some point where we'd have *LOVED* to send such a response, I think in the long run that it will prove to be a big mistake.

ESPECIALLY for her, since it went viral!

OTOH, You really never know WHAT might happen when you take a risk like that!

All this reminded me of something that happened to me more than half a lifetime ago, when a very similar response turned out to be the best thing I could have done...

On my 21st birthday I was thousands of miles from home, in a strange place, and just a bit depressed. I went out alone. I spotted a girl who was "chair-dancing" and - after a couple of shots of liquid courage, and some prolonged eye-contact, I finally worked up the nerve to cross the room and ask her if she'd like to do her dancing on the actual dance-floor.

She gave me that snooty crown-of-the-head-to-the-tip-of-the-toes-and-back-again appraisal that only a truly bitchy woman can deliver, wrinkled up her nose and (shaking her head) said "Naaaaaah."

Now, I'm not the best looking guy in the world, but I'm also far from the ugliest. I take good care of myself, and have always been clean and reasonably well-groomed. I was already (as I mentioned) a bit depressed, and her snotty rejection just didn't sit well at all - especially since it had been delivered in such an obvious way in front of several of her friends as well...

Desperate to save a little face, I tried a line that had usually worked pretty well for me in the past - "I didn't ask you to go home with me, or marry me or whatever - I just asked you to DANCE. You're doing great in the chair - why not take it to the dance floor?"

She gave me the same full-length appraisal again - the sort of look-over one usually sees from ranchers examining cattle at an auction - only slower and even nastier the second time... Then she wrinkled up her nose again and said

"Well... I'll dance with you if you buy me a drink first..." - holding up and shaking her nearly-empty frozen-daquiri glass in my direction for emphasis.

Like the young woman who was the subject of this little missive, I'd had enough.

This biatch thinks a dance with her is worth the $5 that drink will cost me? (In 1988 $5 was... well... quite a bit more than it is now - in fact that was at least an hour's worth of pay for me!

So.... I let my temper get the best of me.

I said
I'm sorry!
I didn't really understand!..."!
If THAT'S the way it is, why don't we just save each other some time!...
"I'll slip you a twenty...
And you can climb under the table here and suck my c*ck!"

Now, I realize this was not even close to the way a "Gentleman" would treat a "Lady."

In my defense...

  1. I was no "gentleman"
  2. She was SURELY no "Lady"!
Seriously -- I am not the one who put the dollar-value to her attentions - she was!

Even now it seems reasonable to me - after all, if $5 is the price of a dance, then $20 ought to be in the ball-park for that sort of "favor" -- no?

In any case, I digress... and should get back to my story...

I'm sure it will come as no surprise that she slapped me - to which I replied
I'm Sorry!...
...What... -- ...

Suffice to say that it's an understatement when I say that 'da biatch went **OFF**!!

In fact, she slapped me again, so hard that the band stopped playing, then waded into me like a wildcat, and almost instantaneously a couple of very large (you know the sort - 9-foot-two, one eye in the middle of their foreheads...) guys in matching tee-shirts hurried over and
... well...
...let's say "gave me some significant encouragement and assistance in exiting the establishment..."

But that's NOT the end of my tale!

Believe it or not, this one actually... well... You'll see!

After finding myself back on the street, I moved away from the doorway, leaned against the wall and lit a cigarette (hey - it was the '80s - don't judge me!) when I heard a female voice say

"Oh, THERE you are! That was fricking AWESOME!..."

I looked in the direction of the voice, and... it was one of the friends of Miss Biatchy, actually the best looking gal at the table(!), who continued

"...She is SUCH a biatch - I can't believe you put her in her place like that - I think that was the coolest thing I've ever SEEN!"

Well... Long story less long, I told her the truth - it was my birthday, far from home, a bit depressed, not normally the type to talk to ladies in that way but...

She explained that her (not really much of a) "friend" was a truly biatchy creature - the sort who treated pretty much every guy as she had treated me. Further, she'd only dance with the guys who were willing to buy her an expensive drink FIRST...

In short, she was already pretty much a prostitute - I was just the first guy who actually had the nerve to point out the obvious!

We talked for a bit, then she offered to take me down the road to a much better club - where we danced and drank until it was time to catch a cab back to her place for what turned out to be a *VERY* enjoyable weekend!

And... that weekend turned into a kinda-sorta-semi-relationship that lasted over a year, and got me through a pretty tough period...  I still think of her fondly, especially in times when I find myself wondering "what might have been"...

(Janet - if you should by some miracle read this, I'd like you to know that I still think of you fondly - and that little "shooting star" tattoo on the back of your shoulder is STILL both (a) one of the sexiest things I've ever seen, and (b) the ONLY tattoo I've ever found really attractive on ANY woman... And... you deserved better than you got from me - I wish I'd been able to be someone different at the time...)

I hadn't thought of (much less TOLD) that whole story in a long time, but...

I guess my point is that occasionally, asking someone to do what this gal and I both did can actually pay off in a big way!

I hope it turns out as well for her as it did for me long ago - but all-in-all I really can't recommend such a response to anyone...

It's still far more likely to turn out badly than it is to turn out well...


Anonymous said...

These will teach you about the deception of freemasonry and its' subtle satanism. demit and learn.



Anonymous said...


kerodin said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.